Great FAQs
“I’ve never done this before. I feel nervous/scared/etc.”
Over 90% of people who contact me have never done coaching or coaching with therapeutic touch before. And most feel some feelings or hesitation about contacting me. That’s completely natural.
When you contact me I take things slow. I keep in mind that this is all new for you. We email first to see if there may be a fit. The next step is a complimentary connection call where I get to know more about you, your world, and your goals. And you can ask me any questions if you have any, or express any concerns at all and we’ll talk about them in a supportive atmosphere.
If it continues to feel like a fit, I’ll let you know what the next best step would be for you personally.
There’s never any rush. Sometimes I speak with someone and they become ready to try a session years later, or never. And that’s all completely great.
"How do I know you’re safe?"
Thank you so much for your courageous authenticity! I really appreciate you telling me honestly how you are feeling and thinking. I think it's great how you're taking good care of yourself by thinking about your emotional and physical safety!
Here are some things that may help you know that I am a safe and genuine person. We can have a free conversation over the phone, video, or in person up to an hour long or so. You’ll be really encouraged to ask me any questions and/or share any concerns and talk about how we can ensure your safety.
FYI, to become a certified Cuddlist I received training, agreed to ethical standards, was evaluated and passed an in person test, and had a phone conversation with Madelon Guizano, the head of training for Cuddlists worldwide. You can confirm my certification here.
Cecelia conducted my in person evaluation. She’s a wonderful colleague and friend of mine. She welcomes people contacting her to verify that I am very safe and genuine. You can contact her at https://cuddlist.com/ceceliacatalinabaez/ by clicking the "request a session" button in the lower left of the page, and in the comment box explain why you're contacting her (not to request a session).
If you'd like to talk to men or women who've shared sessions with me, or licensed talk psychotherapists I’ve worked with, please let me know and I'll ask if any of them are willing to chat with you. :)
You can see my Google Business reviews here.
You can view and subscribe to my YouTube channel here.
There’s never any rush to work together in person. We can share phone or video sessions first, or always.
We can share in person sessions in public places, like a public park where other people are around.
We can meet in a private wellness room in a local yoga studio, EveryBody Movement & Wellness. (I’m not on their site because I started having access when Covid forced them to temporarily close in person services.)
If you’d like a trusted person to come with you to a session to help you feel safer, I’m very supportive of this! Just let me know beforehand. :)
You’re always welcome to give people you trust my name, address, phone number, car’s license place, etc. and to check in with them before and after we share a session.
“How does an in person session go? What’s it like?”
Before the session we’ll communicate to answer any of your questions and help you feel more comfortable. When we meet I’ll greet you with a warm smile and ask if you’d like a handshake, a hug, or neither. I’ll ask how your trip was and how you’re doing or feeling. I’ll offer you water and show you the freshly cleaned restroom.
We’ll walk up to my sanctuary room where you can keep your personal belongings during the session. I’ll invite you to sit or lie down anywhere you feel comfortable on the comfy large foam padding on the floor. We’ll start by sitting in chairs, talking about a few things first for about 10 minutes. I’ll promise you that I will only share platonic touch and talk about things together that we both feel good about. That way you don’t have to even think about if I feel comfortable with certain touch that you request or conversation since I will always honestly, gently let you know if I need to modify anything for me to feel comfortable. I’ll also ask you to promise to do your best to only share touch or conversation that feels like a good choice for you! I’ll encourage you to say “no thanks” at any time to my offers of touch. I’ll encourage you to ask for modifications at anytime, for any reason, so we only spend time in a way that you enjoy!
In addition to the Code of Conduct, I’ll share any additional personal boundaries of mine. Besides the Code of Conduct and those boundaries, I’m basically open to giving and receiving any kind of platonic touch and cuddling that you’d like. If I need to modify any cuddling in the moment I’ll just kindly let you know. I’ll ask if you have any boundaries in addition to the Code of Conduct or any kinds of touch that you know ahead of time that you don’t enjoy (i.e. my feet are too ticklish, I don’t like my stomach touched, etc.).
I’ll share that all emotions are welcome here including crying, anger, nervousness, etc. You’re very welcome to feel any feelings while we’re cuddling, including crying with or on me, etc. I’m very, very comfortable with emotions, including tears. I will compassionately be with you if you feel feelings. I won’t try to change you, “fix it,” etc.
I’ll share that we can talk as much or as little as you’d like, about as light or deep personal topics as you’d like as long as it doesn’t’ involve you planning to hurt someone. This completes the introduction to our session.
I’ll then ask if you’d like to start sharing platonic touch now, if you’d like to keep talking for now without touch, or if you’d like to meditate together which I can talk us through. If or when you want to share touch, I’ll ask if you have any ideas of touch you’d like to start with. If you do, we’ll start there. If not I’ll ask you some simple questions to gradually guide us to figuring out what kind of touch you would like to start with.
From there we’ll talk occasionally about how it’s going for you, if you’d like to shift into having some space or try a different kind of cuddling, etc.
At the end I’ll lead you through a gradual, relaxing transition out of the session. I’ll give you tips for transitioning back to regular life. If you’d like I will check in with you in a day to hear how your experience was and how you’ve been since our session.
One example of a session is below. Each session is very different to best fit your comfort zone and needs.
“Is this a silly question? Am I asking too many questions?”
I haven’t come across a silly question yet! 🙂 So please ask away! If you’d check through these FAQs to see if your question is adequately answered here this helps us make our time talking or e-mailing the most valuable to you. 🙂
“Do you do sessions with ____? (people identifying as men, women, other gender identity, LGBTQ, having a physical or mental disability, atypical on the neurodiversity spectrum, trauma from physical or mental abuse, who’ve been violated, living with anxiety, depression, etc., etc.)”
Yes! 🙂 If you are a human being who can follow the Cuddlist code of conduct then I welcome you with my open arms and big heart! 🙂 <3. If you have platonic intentions and have a disability that may make it challenging for you to always follow the code of conduct, I’m definitely open to talking about if we may still be a good fit.
I will never ask about your physical appearance, just as any good professional massage therapist or other professional would not.
“I go to therapy (psychotherapy, talk therapy). I think working with you could be a good addition to my other therapy?”
Yes! I agree. Therapists and my clients have found that to be very true. Here are a couple testimonials from psychotherapists I’ve worked with:
“As a psychotherapist, interested in what can supplement my client’s healing journey, I highly recommend Kyle’s work. I experienced an individual session with him, so that I could observe first hand what his skills are. I can say without any hesitation that Kyle’s natural caring, empathy, insights, and professionalism, can help clients experience the necessary elements needed to integrate a sense of wholeness. Additionally, for anyone in need of healing traumas, his work offers a reparative experience. I certainly will send client’s to him, whom I believe could benefit from his work as a cuddlist. Throughout my 30 plus years as a clinician, I’m convinced that for anyone working with a psychotherapist, a real reparative experience, such as what Kyle offers, is a real added bonus.” -Arnie Vargas, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, http://ajvargas.blogspot.com/p/about-us.html
From a public post on facebook – https://www.facebook.com/anahata32/posts/10161068422105125
“Human touch is a real and vital need. And most of us aren’t getting enough of it.
Enter my amazing friend Kyle Robert Hoffman, who does incredibly healing work in this domain. As a professional cuddler, he facilitates sessions where you can be nourished by platonic, consensual, therapeutic touch. Learn to receive, ask for what you want, say no to what you don’t, and connect in our “native tongue”—the language we all spoke before we became verbal.
Your nervous system will thank me, I promise!”
-Ashley King, licensed psychotherapist, http://www.psychoalchemy.com/
“I’m married or in a relationship with a ____ (woman, man, other gender identity). Is that OK? Is that weird?”
That’s completely fine and welcomed by me. I understand that there are many wonderful reasons why people in a relationship or marriage share sessions with me. It is totally your choice to share with me your relationship status or not. Your attendance and anything you share will always be kept confidential.
Just like going to a professional massage therapist or psychotherapist, it’s not my role to inquire about your relationship status and agreements.
“Are there certain cuddle techniques or positions that we’ll do or that you recommend?”
I know a plethora of ways that we can enjoy sharing touch which I’ll offer to you based on my intuition and experience. I’ll ask what you’d like since this is a great opportunity for you to think of what you’d like and ask for it. I’m also happy to make suggestions and guide our cuddling if that’s what you’d prefer.
You may be held and you may hold me. You may receive loving, nourishing touch and may give the same to me. A partial list of things we may enjoy are spooning, light caresses to your arms or face, having your hair or beard stroked or stroking mine, holding hands, holding each other sitting up, lying on top of each other, eye gazing, a scalp massage, belly rubs, enjoying as much space and time not sharing touch as you want, and any other kind of connection within our platonic boundaries.
Some of the touch and cuddling options are in the video below. :)
“What should I wear?”
The Cuddlist code of conduct includes that both of us wear a minimum of mid thigh shorts and a tank top at all times. This means actual shorts you could wear in public. Some people enjoy wearing clothes like this to allow for more platonic skin to skin touch on their arms and legs which can feel great and soothing. You can also of course wear as much clothes as you’d like. Long sleeve shirts, long pants, sweat shirts, and any other extra layers are very welcome.
Please focus on wearing comfortable clothes. Sweat pants, athletic clothes, t-shirts, yoga pants, etc. are all welcome. Don’t overthink it. 🙂 As long as it meets the code of conduct and your intention is a platonic experience, what you wear will be just great! 🙂
“What if I feel aroused unintentionally during a session?”
Unintentional feelings of arousal are a completely fine human response to all kinds of things including platonic touch. It’s totally fine if feelings of arousal or erection happen unintentionally in our session. The important thing is that we will agree to never try to intentionally create or increase arousal. If it happens for you it will be your choice to talk about it if you want, or not and simply allow it to come and go without giving it any focus. For myself and others, learning to be able to possibly have feelings of arousal while sharing platonic touch and being okay not acting on those feelings has had many benefits in our lives!
I and many of my clients at some point felt attracted or a crush toward someone we were platonically cuddling. Sometimes, especially with conscious effort, over time those feelings and bodily reactions faded as our bodies and minds learned from experience that the connection with this person will always be platonic.
Also, in general when platonic cuddling was new for us it more often brought up erotic or romantic feelings for us. For many people over weeks and months as we got more experience separating cuddling from erotic connection, our erotic desires came up less and less in those settings to the point that it is easily managed when it infrequently comes up. Another factor is that our innate need for platonic touch became more and more filled. We became less and less hungry for touch because we were getting what we needed.
I’ve found for most people the more they’re receiving platonic touch, the less that their bodies and minds intertwine platonic touch with romantic desire. The same is also true as someone adds more and more people to their life with whom they share platonic touch or cuddling. As we added more people to our life with whom we shared platonic touch, our intensity of attachment to any one person became more appropriately balanced. Unfortunately I don’t have a crystal ball to say this all will happen for you as well, although it is likely.
A great place to meet platonic cuddle buddies is share a 3 person session and/or let me introduce you to new potential friends. :)
How did you get into this work?
“Kyle, what is your romantic orientation? Are you gay, straight, bi?”
I’m happy to answer this because it helps some people feel more comfortable talking to or working with me. It also lets you know some of my life experiences which I draw from when helping you on your own journey. As a reminder my touch work is always platonic. Through video coaching or touch work I enthusiastically help people of any gender identity, body type, romantic orientation, relationship status, etc.
I identify as pansexual and I am very out, including in public media. For me this means my sexual, romantic and emotional attraction is based on the overall person, on an individual basis. It’s not based on their categorical gender or if they’re male bodied, female bodied, etc. For example this means in my personal romantic life I may connect with someone who has a gender identity of nonbinary, gender fluid, woman, man, etc.
For many years I have also been ethically polyamorous/in an open relationship(s).
“What does platonic mean?”
Platonic means non-romantic and non-erotic. Contrary to mainstream American culture, people can enjoy touch and connecting emotionally in a platonic way. 🙂
Do you accept insurance?
While some doctors or psychotherapists recommend platonic cuddle therapy to their clients as a supplemental modality, to the best of my knowledge, no insurance plan or company on the east coast currently covers or reimburses people for life coaching or platonic cuddle therapy. If you know of one that does, please let me know! :)
Cuddle therapists, professional cuddlers, and life coaches are not licensed or regulated by the government to perform those services, which is probably a large part of why those services are currently not covered by health insurance.
Can I afford this?
I’m a huge believer in making it financially sustainable to improve our lives, for myself as well as you! That’s why my philosophy is to help you achieve what you want as quickly and at the lowest cost possible.
That’s why I like to have a free welcome conversation to figure out what your challenges and goals are, and together we figure out what’s best for you, whether it’s a service I provide or another practitioner or organization that’s a more valuable fit for you. :)
If you’d like to reduce your financial investment, I can help you add and/or transition to lower cost or free ways to have what you desire. Some examples have included:
Sharing one session with a middle age person who had not been in a romantic relationship yet. Our work together helped him start dating and enter his first relationship. After our second session he achieved his goals and no longer felt a need to work with me further for now! :)
A similar story of a woman with trauma who entered her first post trauma relationship after our first session together. You can read more of her story here. :).
Many women and men who have started enjoying events or organizations that I referred them. These have included women’s or men’s connection and peer support groups, all women’s or all men’s or any gender optional platonic cuddling groups, peer to peer self growth groups in person and online, etc. Some have then created personal friendships at these groups. :)